I’ve always been a romantic.
One of my earliest memories is of sitting atop a small hill in our backyard on my mighty three-wheeled steed (my tricycle) and feeling the wind in my face. At my core, I wanted to be a knight in shining armor.
A bold, daring adventurer who stood for what was right and true. Full of gallantry and chivalry. And of course, someone to rescue the lovely damsel in distress.
I never went through a girl-hating stage. I never thought girls were icky or yucky. I used to watch reruns of The Little Rascals and think it was so stupid for the guys to have a he-man, woman-haters club. To me, girls were the most special thing God ever created.
Of course, I didn’t know much at the time.
I spent my elementary and high school years looking for that special someone. I wanted to be married in my twenties. Then in my thirties. Then in my forties. But I’ve just turned fifty-two, and I still wake up alone. All the hopes and dreams I’ve spent my whole life praying for have turned to ashes.
I still think chivalry, gallantry, and valiance are great and noble traits to have and strive for. But I’ve come to the place where I wish God would remove that passion within me. Or wish He never gave it to me at all. Why couldn’t He make me like so many others I’ve encountered? Guys that prefer to spend their time hunting and fishing or playing or watching sports. Anything but spending time with a mate. Of course, these are the guys who always end up with lovely wives who spend their time wishing their husbands wanted to spend more time with them.
I guess I’m just tired. Tired of striving. Tired of waiting. Tired of wanting what I can’t have. Tired of wondering what it was all about. Some years ago, I chose a portion of scripture as my life verse, my motto. It’s the first part of Daniel 3:18, “But if not…” Three simple words, but they convey total and complete trust in God. I don’t remember why I chose them. Perhaps it was in a moment of fantasized drama. Or maybe I just like the way it sounded. So noble. Something a knight would say. If I’d known what it would entail, I’d probably have picked something else.
When you write a devotion, you present a problem, share how it affects you and/or others, then always end on a hopeful note. This isn’t a devotion. More like Psalm 88, where David finds no answers to his questions. All that’s left is a trust in a God David knew was there for him, regardless of what was happening.
Scarlet O’Hara ends Gone with the Wind with, “After all, tomorrow is another day.” Nice outlook, but blind faith in time or chance doesn’t cut it. As Christians we have something much better. We have a God who said “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” and “Behold, I make all things new.” Sometimes things aren’t sunny. Sometimes things don’t get resolved or better off. Sometimes the cavalry doesn’t come riding over the hill. And sometimes the good guy doesn’t get the girl.
But with Jesus, there is always hope. Perhaps not the hope in receiving what we wanted, but we know it’s a hope in what is best and for His glory.
In the end, that’s all that matters.